When I am an old fart
I shall wear body armour with a motorbike helmet that is red which doesn’t go.
I shall spend my pension on a hearts top, lacoste trainers and t bags and say we have no money for butter.
I shall bomb Osama Binladin’s house and nick his wife
And take over Easter road and Celtic park
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall pee in the rain and poo in other people’s gardens
And learn to wipe.
You can wear terrible Hats
and grow more fat and eat poo or cockroaches for a week
and hoard nuts magazines, guns, grenades and things in boxes.
So people who know me are not to shocked and surprised.

By JA and KW