S3 - Essay Feedback

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I'm sure no-one will be checking back here during the holidays, but in case you are..

Essay feedback - good examples from good pupils! Feel free to modify ideas to improve your own work!

Introductions

"Conduct Unbecoming" is a play of honour, mystery and romance. Written by Barry England, "Conduct Unbecoming" has all the potential to be a good, mysterious play. At the outset of the drama script we are introduced to two characters, Millington and Drake, who are throughout the book, contrasted with each other. Drake is made to seem optimistic, serious and very ambitious. Millington, on the other hand, is seen as slightly pessimistic, has a laid back attitude and has the desire to fail and be rejected. Act one ends with Millington being accused and arrested of a crime he seems oblivious to. - KA

"Conduct Unbecoming" is a play written by Barry England. It is set in India during the 1880s. It is about two young subalterns on probation in the army. The two main characters couldn't be more different. Milington, the son of a general is trying to make the worst possible impression on the officers of the regiment so he can get dismissed and go back to England. Drake, the son of a major wants to make the best possible impression and from the minute he and Milington arrive he is apprehensive that Millington's mocking and ironic behaviour will reflect badly on him. - AA

Linking paragraph

In this essay I aim to establish the contrasts between Drake and Millington. Firstly, I will look at the respect for tradition, then on to the differences in humour. I will look at their behaviour and manners. I will then look at their respect for women. Finally I will look at ambition of both Drake and Millington. - LJ

In my essay I aim to demonstrate how Millington and Drake are contrasted throughout act one. Firstly, I am going to do this by compparing their speech. I will go on to illustrate the differences in their actions and intereaction with other characters, and finally I will show how their backgrounds contrast and why this is important. - HI

Main Ideas

Millington is demonstrated in the play to be a troublemaker. He is a misogynist who likes to use and abuse women. - AP

Earnest Drake is contrasted with Millington's casual manner. - JM

Conclusions

Therefore, in conclusion, Drake and Millington are complete opposites. This is shown throughout Act one in their behaviour, actions, speech and thoughts towards the mess and people in it. Drake is generally earnest and formal, however Millington is generally casual and ignorant. I have proved that Millington and Drake are contrasted greatly throughout act one. Even so, they will be measured as one:
“Unfortunately, we shall be judged together” – MM